


Living Fast Until We're Dead

by GremlinGirl



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: College AU, F/F, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Modern AU, Prank Wars, also star wars the movie series exists in this au and kylo is a huge fan of darth vader, apartment wars au, everything is pointless and silly and nothing in this fic should be taken seriously, like i said, take nothing seriously, this is important to the plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-06-01 16:54:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6528292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GremlinGirl/pseuds/GremlinGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not so long ago in an apartment building in San Francisco...</p><p>Finn and Poe meet and fall in love. However, after a mishap involving sex and a bed, Finn finds himself kicked out of the apartment he shared with Hux and Phasma. It's decided that he move in with Poe and his roommate Rey, after they kick out their other roommate Ben, or Kylo Ren as he wants to be called, who then moved in across the hall with Hux and Phasma. Now that the six have settled in their homes, Poe decides he needs to avenge the mistreatment of his new boyfriend. That prank puts Hux on a path of vengeance. The apartment wars have begun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Shadows We are Golden

**Author's Note:**

> So the title is from a song called Forever Stuck in Our Youth by Set it Off. I have a playlist made and each chapter title will be from one of those songs. On the last chapter, I'll post a link to the playlist. (It's not completely done yet, so sorry.) Seriously, this fic is anything but, it's comedic and funny and you should take nothing in it seriously. Have fun. Thanks for reading!

****There were three things that Poe Dameron swore to himself that he would never do.

These things were part of a type of moral code that he had. A set of rules he followed to protect his honor, or whatever other nonsense one might describe it as. Now, he wasn’t the type of guy walking around with a stick up his ass, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t set down a few guidelines to help him make sure he never crossed that line between roguishly playful and straight up asshole.

Never sleep with the neighbors.  
Never get high in a stranger’s apartment.  
Never have sex in someone’s bed, unless they are there too.

Poe Dameron did not wake up that morning knowing that by three o'clock that afternoon, he would break all three of his self enforced rules in one day.

He basically rolled out of bed to the sound of rustling in the corner. Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he stumbled over to the guinea pig scampering around in its cage, kicking up wood shavings as he ran about. His white and orange fur, one of a kind as Poe had been told by the sales lady, was barely a blur as he ran about. The sleepy brunette opened up the cage and reached in, grabbing his little friend and immediately transferred him over to the plastic ball.

“There you go, BB-8,” he said, setting the creature on the ground. “Be free.” He watched, slightly amused as his little buddy rolled out of the room. A few seconds later he heard a scream, crash, and thud in quick succession. Running out of his room, he looked down at the man sprawled out across the floor and BB-8 quickly disappearing into another room.

“God damn that stupid guinea pig,” the man on the ground said, sitting up and beginning to pick up the pieces of the plate that he had been carrying. “I swear I’m going to throw him out the window, ball and all.”

“You touch BB-8 and I’ll fuck you up, Solo,” Poe said, crossing his arms. He was only met with an eye roll. “I’m serious. I’ll fight you, man. Or I’ll get Rey to fuck you up.” Poe wasn’t too proud to admit that the tiny woman that also shared the apartment would be more than happy to defend the rolling terror that was BB-8.

Ben Solo stood up, looking down at Poe with a contempt that most roommates did not share. “He kept me up all last night, Dameron. It’s this constant fucking scratching and running; it’s annoying as hell.”

“You know what’s also annoying as hell? Waking up and seeing that stupid Darth Vader helmet staring at you from the darkness. No, not annoying. It’s downright creepy, man.” He glared up at the taller man, jutting his chin out a bit. “You could put it in a box or something.”

“I’m not putting my limited edition Darth Vader helmet in a box, Dameron.” The look of horror and indignation on Ben’s face was enough to make Poe crack a smile, which only seemed to make the man madder. “It’s not funny! Do you even know what you’re suggesting?”

“Fine, keep it out. But no more complaining about BB-8. He’s lived here longer than you have anyway.”

Ben grumbled for a moment before turning and heaving a great sigh. “Fine…” He headed back toward the kitchen, probably planning to dispose of the broken plate and Poe just shrugged and ducked into the bathroom.

Later, Poe headed into the small coffee shop after his only class of the day. He ordered something simple and leaned against the wall to wait for it to be ready. He was in a hurry. Wanted to get home and tell Rey about the gorgeous girl in his Chem class who had just given him her number. He was planning just how to text the girl for a date later when all thoughts of her were blown from his mind as someone else walked into the room.

Dark skin in a stark contrast with the white t-shirt that stretched over his obviously ripped chest and exposed his well toned biceps, he stood with large brown eyes scanning the menu in front of him. Poe slipped his phone into his pocket and quickly walked over. Poe couldn’t help cross his fingers behind his back, repeating the mantra, “please be gay, please be gay, please be gay,” over and over again in his head.

He prepared for a quirky pick up line to start a conversation with the stunningly gorgeous man, but when those wide, brown eyes fell on him he froze, forgetting the words he was about to say. Instead he just grinned, probably looking a bit goofy.

“Hi,” the man said. “I’ve never been here before. What do you suggest…?”

“Uh...I generally just get a coffee with a little bit of sugar and creamer in it. But I know some people like the capuchinos.” Poe looked down at his feet, wondering for a moment what got him so flustered. He was Poe Dameron for crying out loud. He didn’t get flustered like this around hot guys. He was usually the hottest guy in the room. Obviously he wasn’t right now, though.

“Oh that sounds good,” he said. “Thanks, man.”

“Yeah,” Poe said, smiling. “Of course. Hey, do you mind if I ask your name?”

“You don’t already know my name…?” The man looked genuinely confused for a moment. “You’re Poe Dameron, right?” Poe nodded. “We live right next to each other. I’m in apartment 415. You’re 416, right?”

Poe quickly considered this for a moment. The only people he knew lived across the hallway was these two odd characters named Braeda and Phasma. He thought it was just them. He had no idea this beautiful man lived there as well.

“I’m sorry, I honestly didn’t know. I should know your name, but I don’t.” Poe gave him a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his neck.

“It’s alright. I’m Finn. It’s good to meet you officially for the first time.” He smiled for a moment, a sweet and happy gesture, then offered the other his hand which Poe shook heartily. From the counter, someone called out Poe’s name, and Finn dropped his hand. “If you’re in a rush to get somewhere, I won’t keep you.”

“Oh, absolutely not. In fact, I’d love to get to know you better. I mean, it’s ridiculous, we’re neighbors and I didn’t even know your name. You wanna take the coffee and go somewhere we can talk for awhile?”

“Sure,” Finn said, another bright smile lighting up his face and sending a jittery feeling through Poe’s stomach. “We can go back to my apartment. Phasma and Braeda are out at the gym and they’ll be there for a few hours, at least.” He shifted a bit closer to Poe, glancing down for a moment before once again meeting his eyes. “I hope you’ll come over. I think it would be a lot of fun to finally get to know the real Poe Dameron.”

“That sounds great,” Poe said, lips pulling up on one side in a knowing grin. The two just stared at each other for a moment, then Poe turned and collected his coffee, holding the disposable cup in one hand as the other dug in his pocket for his phone. He opened the group chat he shared with Ben and Rey and wrote a quick message.

“Don’t expect me home tonight.”

Really, that was all the explanation they would need.

 

* * *

 

  
There were three things that Finn promised himself that he would never do.

He would never smoke weed or do drugs of any kind.  
He would never invite a near stranger back to the apartment.  
He would never have sex with someone he barely knew.

He didn’t wake up that morning thinking that he would end up breaking all three of his rules in one day. Before today, it had never been hard for him to keep them.

Finn wasn’t what he would call good at picking up men. He usually stumbled over his words, spilled his drink on them, or did something else utterly embarrassing. He remembered when he was younger and Phasma would tease him for his crushes on the popular boys. Braeda was the cruelest though, always reminding him how they would never go for a guy like Finn.

So when he had been approached by the man he had secretly been pining after for the past several months in a small coffee shop a few blocks away from his apartment, Finn was determined not to let him slip through his fingers. He was never good at flirting, and he could only hope that his hints had gotten through to Poe.

The man himself was now sitting on his couch, smiling at him as Finn brought them two beers from the fridge. This was a sight that he had never expected to see. However, as Poe happily opened the beer and took a sip, he couldn’t help but watch the way his lips pressed against the mouth of the bottle, and follow the bob of his adam’s apple as the liquid ran down his throat. Poe seemed to notice his stare, setting the bottle down with the clink and giving him a curious look.

“Something on your mind…?”

Of course there was something on his mind. He had the most gorgeous man in the whole building sitting only a few inches from him. If he wanted to, he could reach out and run his fingers through that thick, luscious-looking hair. He could lean forward just a bit and press his lips against Poe’s. And for god’s sake he wanted to.

“No, not really,” Finn lied, smiling softly. “What do you want to talk about now?” They had already covered the basics: where they came from, where they were working, if they were in a relationship. Finn hadn’t been able to keep himself from smiling when Poe said no to the last one. It was a good thing that Poe seemed just as happy when Finn said he wasn’t seeing anyone either. Or maybe that was just his imagination.

“I don’t know. You’re the one who invited me over. Anything specific you wanted…?”

Oh shit. Yes, there were several things that Finn wanted specifically. Like tearing off his clothes and fucking him right there on the couch.

Finn’s cheeks turned slightly darker as he blushed at the thoughts that popped up into his head. It was a moment before he realized that his eyes had drifted down from Poe’s eyes, over his chest, and came to land on the front of his pants.

“Finn…?”

Fuck. He looked up at him quickly, trying to hide his embarrassment, probably unsuccessfully if Poe’s grin was anything to go by. “Sorry, I got distracted… What were you saying?”

“Finn…” Poe chuckled, then reached into his pocket, pulling out a bag of what could only be marijuana. “Do you smoke?” Finn certainly did not smoke. He had never tried nicotine and certainly not drugs. “Because, I think that the best way to get to know someone is to get high together. What do you say?”

He didn’t know what kind of weird siren call Poe had over him, but he found himself nodding his head. He watched as the man leaned forward and cleared off a spot on the coffee table in order to roll the joints. His fingers moved deftly as he packed a bit of kush into the paper and rolled it up. When his tongue darted out to lick the paper in order for it to stick, Finn felt his face heating up. He imagined what else that tongue could do to him before he was dragged from his thoughts as Poe handed him the freshly rolled joint.

“Oh, thanks,” Finn said, looking at it in his hand. He still wasn’t certain about this, but he did want to make Poe like him. However, even when Poe offered him a small flame balanced on his lighter, Finn just continued to stare at it.

“You’ve never done this before, have you?”

“No…”

“Then why did you say-”

“Because I didn’t want you to think that I’m boring.”

Poe snorted, then flipped the lighter closed, shaking his head. “You don’t have to anything to impress me.” He took a drag on the one he had already lit himself, then looked at Finn for a moment. “Oh, you don’t mind, do you?” Finn shook his head, staring at him. His dark eyes were now focused on the joint in his hand, smoke rising up from his mouth in a thin stream. In that moment, Finn really just wanted to reach over and run his fingers through Poe’s gentle curls and kiss his lips and press close against him.

God, why was he so obsessed with this guy?

“So you... _don't_ think I’m boring, then?” Finn tore his eyes away from the joint to look into his eyes again. He threw the joint he had onto the coffee table with a sigh.

Poe chuckled then leaned over, placing a hand on his thigh as he whispered, “No. In fact, I like you. I can’t believe I never noticed you before.”

Finn looked down, shyly. “I tried to build up the courage to just talk to you but I never did. It’s stupid, I know. But you’re really, really intimidating.”

“Me?” Poe chuckled, sliding his hand a little farther up Finn’s thigh. “I’m nothing special, Finn. You don’t have to be intimidated by me. I really like you, man.” Finn found his eyes glued to his long, slender fingers and tanned skin. They were capable hands, hands that could probably leave him screaming when put to proper use.

Fuck. Those are not the thoughts he should be having. He had only been talking to this guy for a few hours. It suddenly felt like Poe was very close, much closer than he should be. His hand was way farther up his thigh than he had originally thought. He squirmed slightly, moving back against the arm of the couch. He immediately regretted this.

Poe’s hand was jerked back as the man himself sat up rigidly straight, eyes going wide. “Shit, sorry.” He stared at Finn for a moment before shaking his head and looking at the joint in his hand. “Fuck. No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...jesus. Sorry.”

“Wait,” Finn said, looking up into his eyes. “I didn’t mean to suggest… I mean.. I don’t mind.” He looked at the joint again then suddenly sprung forward, grabbing it from Poe’s hand. Before the other had any time to comment on his sudden action, Finn put the joint to his lips and sucked in a large drag.

And then he died.

Or at least thought he was going to. He hunched over, hand over his mouth as he coughed violently. Poe placed a gentle hand on his lap and calmly took the joint back. “Man, you are crazy,” he said with a low chuckle as Finn sat back up and looked at him through watery eyes.

“I’ll admit it wasn’t my brightest moment…”

“So you’ve really never smoked anything before?” Poe looked at the joint for a moment before his eyes fell back on Finn again.

“No…”

“Good. You shouldn’t start. It’ll kill your lungs.”

“Put it out.”

“Where?” He gave no hesitation. Just a simple question. This made Finn suddenly very curious about something. He decided to test this out a bit further.

“Um…” He looked around for a moment. “On the coffee table.”

Poe’s eyes widened for a moment before he shrugged and leaned over, pressing the tip into the wooden surface. Finn couldn’t help himself but smiling a bit. He wasn’t used to people doing what he said. He was the one that got bossed around, not the one that did the bossing.

“Okay, now, I want you to kiss me.” Poe’s dark eyes widened again, causing Finn to add a quick addendum to his command. “Only if you want to, of course.”

Poe let out another soft chuckle before he leaned over and suddenly he was kissing him and Finn suddenly felt very light headed. He lost control of his limbs and before he could get them under control his hands were in Poe’s hair. Fuck, it was just as soft as he had imagined.

Finn suddenly felt himself being pushed back on the couch, being straddled as Poe pressed harder into the kiss. There was an unspoken need behind it now. Poe was now pushing himself farther against Finn, requesting access to places that he had never let anyone before. And Finn was opening up, inviting him in completely. Finn’s hand fell from his hair as he laid back, Poe breaking away and sitting up, his hands pressed down on his chest. They both panted for a moment, eyes locked on each other. Finally, Poe spoke.

“Do you have lube?”

“I have roommates.”

Poe gave him a confused look, as Finn shook his head, sitting up. “No, I have roommates. We can’t...do this on the couch.”

“Your bedroom then?” Poe asked, as he slid off his lap and stood up. Finn nodded, then turned and walked into his bedroom. Poe was sure to kick the door closed on his way in. “And the lube?”

Shit. Finn didn’t have any. He had never really had the need to buy any, seeing as how he was a stupid virgin still. However, he found himself glancing over to the nightstand beside Braeda’s bed. Since they shared a room, Finn had seen him tuck away new bottles of lube in there every few weeks. The man really got around.

With not a small amount of guilt, he walked over and bent down as he dug through the drawers. He could feel Poe’s eyes on him the whole time, until he finally turned and held up the small bottle, triumphant. Poe smirked, then stepped over and pushed him down onto the bed, Braeda’s bed, and straddled his waist again. Finn almost protested. _Almost._ But, then Poe’s lips were on his again and those hands that he had been fantasizing about earlier were slipping up under his shirt.

The next few minutes were a blur of pleasures for Finn. Poe’s lips moved from his lips to his neck and Finn busied himself by running his hands over every inch of Poe’s body he could reach. Clothes were quickly abandoned and forgotten on the ground. Finn felt Poe’s hot breath on his ear as the man whispered, “I’m going to ride you until you can’t think straight.”

That was the best promise he’d ever heard. And obviously one Poe was intending to keep. He shifted off of him for a moment and grabbed the bottle of lube where Finn had dropped it and poured some into his hand. Finn sucked in a short breath when that hand encircled his erect cock. They didn’t get any farther, however, because an unexpected voice interrupted them.

“What the hell are you doing in my bed?!”

 

* * *

 

  
Armitage Hux wasn’t an unreasonable man. Nor was he needlessly cruel. He just expected that everyone in his life would behave to a certain expectation he set forth. One of courtesy, order, and respect. He only surrounded himself by people he believed he could trust to keep this delicate balance that he liked.

So when he walked into his apartment smelling like marijuana, a joint rolled up and put out on his coffee table, and found one of his roommates fucking the neighbor in his bed, you could say he was a bit put out.

He warped his face into the most menacing scowl he could, the shorter brunette looking at him confused, but unashamed. Finn, however, sat up and covered his face with his hands. Well, at least he had some decency. Both of them were still sitting on his bed.  
bed.

“Get the fuck up, both of you,” he ordered. Finn immediately sprung up, used to being ordered around by him. The other did stand, a bit slower and crossed his arms. “What the fuck were you thinking, Finn?”

“I was thinking that I really wanted to have sex but I didn’t have any lube. So I decided to borrow yours.” He lowered his hands, and stared down at the ground.

“So you just decided to borrow the bed, too?” He smiled, though a snarl might have been a more apt description for the way his lips stretched over his teeth.

“That was unintentional!”

It was at this time that Hux’s eyes were drawn to the other man who was putting his pants back on. He nudged Finn’s arm, and handed him the pair he must have been wearing earlier. Suddenly, a memory overtook Hux’s mind, drawing him back about a year ago. It was fuzzy for a moment, but the violent smile slipped from his face as the name slipped from between his lips, “Poe…”

Poe looked at him, then smirked slightly. “Hey, Armie. Long time, no see.”

“GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!!!”

He chased both of them out of the bedroom, Finn hopping as he pulled his pants over over legs. Poe swung his shirt over one shoulder, walking with a pride that no man who just got caught fucking in someone else’s bed should have. Phasma was leaning against the opposite wall, a small smirk on her face. Well, at least someone could enjoy the whole debacle.

“Wait, Armitage,” Finn pleaded, turning to look at him. “You can’t kick me out; I have no where else to go. I’m sorry. I’ll clean the sheets and the couch and the whole apartment if you want me to.”

“That’s not good enough, and you know it. I want you out of my apartment. Leave. Forever. Find somewhere else to live. I don’t want to see your stupid, sniveling face here ever again!” Finn looked shocked, to say the least, which filled Hux with a sick bit of satisfaction. He didn’t let it show, however, and quickly stepped closer. He glared down at him for a moment before glancing over at Poe. “Well, you have a nice little boytoy here. See if he can help you out.”

“Fuck you,” Poe said, surprising him slightly. “I’ll give Finn a place to live. And I’ll treat him better than you do anyway.” He wrapped an arm around Finn’s shoulders. “And I’ll make sure the next time you get smashed at a party, no one even thinks of fucking you up the ass like I know you like it, Armie.” He winked, sending waves of rage rolling down Hux’s tight frame.

“Phasma,” Hux said, turning to look at the woman still leaning against the wall. She jolted to attention, looking at him expectantly. “Throw them out of here, if you would be so kind.” He watched as the 6’7’’ brick wall of a woman walked toward the much, much smaller men, smiling cruelly when he saw them shrink back. Even Poe managed to lose his confident smirk.

She stopped, just before them and leaned over slightly. She chuckled lightly before whispering, “Either you remove yourselves, or I will.”

Neither waited for much more of an invitation. They both turned and hightailed it from the room, leaving Phasma with a satisfied smirk and Hux feeling a little less...murderous. But he still wasn’t done with them, yet. He motioned for Phasma to follow, then quickly raced across the hall and forced himself through the door to apartment 416. Poe glared at him, but backed up slightly when he saw Phasma walk in the room as well. Sometimes it was nice to have his own personal amazon woman by his side.

Hux took a quick study of the apartment and found it quite lacking in the organized order that he maintained in his own. The walls were painted off white with red patterns and an awful orange couch sat in the middle of the room. A small TV sat precariously atop a coffee table it had no business being on. However, his attention was soon drawn to the dark figure emerging from the hallway, carrying what he could only assume was a guinea pig enclosed in a plastic ball.

“Alright you damned gerbil, I’ve had it with you,” he said, enraptured in his one sided conversation with the blur of orange and white fur within the sphere. “I am going to take you and throw you out the goddamned window before anyone else gets home! Understand?!”

“Uh, you’re going to fucking do what?” Poe crossed his arms, glaring at the other who quickly looked over. He bent and set the ball on the ground as Poe quickly crossed to him. “And he’s a guinea pig, not a fucking gerbil.”

“Like it fucking matters, Dameron.” The taller man flipped a lock of dark hair out of his face, then crossed his arms. Hux couldn’t help but be reminded of a petulant man-child and he suddenly felt the need to punch the shit out him. “And why are you half fucking naked? Nevermind, I don’t actually care... That fucking rodent is conspiring against me. He hides in the shadows until just the perfect moment, then he fucking runs by and trips me! Everyday!”

“I’m sorry,” Hux said, carefully, slowly, because he wanted this oblivious imbecile to understand him. “You think the guinea pig is plotting against you to cause you to trip and fall whenever you walk in the room? May I ask what his motives are?”

The man stared at him for a moment, eyes narrowed. “And who the fuck are you?”

“Armitage Hux, pleasure to meet you, weird guinea pig man.” He smirked, then looked over at Finn again. “You. I want your stuff cleared out of my apartment by this time tomorrow. Whatever is left there I will personally haul down to the incinerator in the basement.”

“Armitage,” Finn started, then swallowed nervously at the glare he received from the ginger. “Hux, I’m sorry. But I have no where else to go. Surely we can work something out…”

“No,” Poe said, walking over to Finn and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You aren’t going to work something out with these assholes. You’re going to come live here with me.” He smiled slightly.

Hux rolled his eyes as the two stared at each other like love-sick teenagers for a minute. “Well, that’s all well and good. Be moved out by tomorrow. Come on, Phasma, let’s go.”

“Wait a minute,” the other man suddenly called, making Hux turn back around. “You can’t just dump him onto us. This is a two bedroom apartment. It’s already crowded enough. There’s barely room to breathe in here. No, we can’t take on a fourth roommate.”

Poe chuckled, the cruelty of the sound almost enough to make Hux proud. That is, if he had had any sort of positive feelings toward Poe Dameron ever in his life. Which he hadn’t.

“Who said anything about a fourth,” Poe asked. “I want you moved out of here by the same time tomorrow that Finn is moving in. You’ve threatened BB-8 for the last fucking time, Solo.”

The room was silent for a moment as the dark haired man gaped at Poe. He was obviously struggling for something to say, but not finding the words. Hux could tell his anger level was rising as the color in his cheeks brightened to something comparable to cherry tomatos. “I’ve told you before, Dameron. Don’t call me that. I’m Ren now. Kylo Ren.”

“Wait, you named that guinea pig...BB-8?” Hux let out a small chuckle, the sound hollow and fake. “Why I think that’s the stupidest name for a pet that I ever heard in my life. And you. _Ren._  That has to be the most ridiculous name I’ve ever heard in my life. Is there anyone besides me in the room with more than half a brain cell?” Phasma gave him a shove to the shoulder and he looked at her with a smirk. “Besides you, I mean.”

Poe glared at him, then dropped down on the couch. “Get out of my apartment, Hux.”

“With pleasure, Dameron.”

“Wait!” Hux stopped again to look to the dark haired man. “You’re going to have an extra space. Can I just move in with you?”

That sounded like the absolute worst possible thing that could ever happen. Hux honestly couldn’t imagine anything worse than that. He pictured it, having to share a room with the annoying little piece of shit. Who was also very tall, strong looking. He could probably lift Hux up and slam him into a wall. He imagined that for a moment, eyes drifting up toward the ceiling. Then he realized that everyone was waiting for him to speak.

“Oh…” He shrugged. “I’ll let Phasma decide. Phasma?” He looked up at her to find her attention was diverted to the still open door, and the girl who had walked in and was now watching the whole scene play out. Hux waited for a moment for her to come back to reality. “Phasma?” He nudged her arm gently, only managing to get a grunt in response and her hand rising to push him away. “Phasma!” He shouted, stamping his foot and finally managing to get her attention.

“Uh, yes. Yes, to whatever question you were asking. I don’t care.” She shrugged then looked back over to the girl. And Hux had never felt more betrayed.

“Yes, that means I don’t have live here anymore!” Ren leapt up excitedly and ran over to Hux, who took a step back away from his exuberant display. “No more psychotic gerbils or Poe bringing home strange people at all hours of the night. Thank you so much. You won’t regret it.”

Hux sighed, thinking it over for a second. They would need another roommate to cover Finn’s portion of the rent. He could just suffer through whatever idiocy this lunatic put out. Maybe he could even trick him into paying more than he should to take some dollars off his own bill.

“Wait, you’re not leaving,” the girl who entered a moment ago said. She walked around Phasma, surprising Hux a bit by how she didn’t seem to be afraid in the slightest by the giant woman. “You can’t leave. What would your parents say? They want you to stay here.”

“Leave me alone, Rey,” he replied to her, flipping some hair out of his face. “I can do whatever I want. I’m an adult. And you’re not going to tell my parents. Especially not my mom. Got it?”

She rolled her eyes. Hux noticed her hair was pulled back into three rather thick buns that followed a vertical line down the back of her head. They bobbed slightly as she tilted her head to the side. “I think you’re stupid as hell to try to hide this from them. I mean, come on, your mom is going to find out and be hella pissed. But fine, whatever. But you still have to pay rent here until we find another roommate.”

“That’s not a problem,” Poe said, walking over to her. “I found Finn next door so we’re stealing him. He’ll pay his own rent, won’t you?” Finn nodded. “Great, then that’s all settled. By tomorrow, we’ll have replaced that loud, obnoxious asshole with this guy.”

“I’m loud and obnoxious? I don’t sleep with a different person every few days. You’re not quiet, Dameron, I can hear everything. Everytime. We live in the same room, goddammit!” Ren threw his hands up in the hair and then stormed from the room. “I’m going to start packing right now,” he yelled from the hallway, earning a soft chuckle from Poe.

“Phasma, did we ever actually fully agree to letting that lunatic stay in our apartment,” Hux asked, tilting his head up to look at the tall woman. She glanced at him, blue eyes wide and shrugged. “You haven’t been listening to a word of what’s been going on, have you?”

“I zoned in and out a few times,” she said defensively.

“You don’t really mind me staying here,” Finn asked, stepping forward to take Poe’s hand in his own. He looked at him with something akin to adoration. It made Hux’s stomach turn just looking at the pathetic display.

“No, of course not,” Poe replied. He kissed him gently, making Hux cross his arms and look away with a heavy sigh.

“While this is all very fascinating, I do have homework to do,” Hux said, gaining everyone’s attention again. Well everyone but Phasma, who was still staring at Rey. Damn giant lesbian. Couldn’t be depended on for anything. “Unlike some of you, I have an actual job lined up in my future. Goodbye. And I hate you all.”

“Hate you, too.” Poe gave him bright smile, flashing perfect white teeth, then quickly wrapped his arm around Finn’s waist beside him. “We’ll be coming by for Finn’s things later tonight.”

“It’ll be a pleasure to see you go,” Hux said with his brightest, most charming of smiles. “Go on Phasma, let’s get the hell out of here.”

Phasma snapped to attention again, then looked at him for a moment. “We have to leave right now? Isn’t there...more we need to straighten out first?”

Hux shook his head, ignoring the disappointment in her eyes. He didn’t care about her ridiculous ogling of the neighbor girl. Turning, the woman walked to the door and ducked so she wouldn’t hit her head on the top of the frame. Hux rolled his eyes and followed her. She was so stupidly tall. He wasn’t sure why that annoyed him all of a sudden. But it did.

Crossing into their own apartment, Hux breathed a sigh of utter anger and dissatisfaction. This is not exactly how he wanted the day to turn out. He had spent years working to maintain the order of his perfect little world. They had the perfect dynamic. Phasma, ceaselessly loyal to him, friends since childhood, and one of the only people in the world he felt comfortable around. Then there was Finn. Hux had spent a long time making Finn into the perfect companion. He didn’t argue or make a fuss about anything, always did exactly as he was told, and never did anything to upset the balance of Hux’s perfect world. Until today that is.

Now, he had some ridiculous man moving in with him that he knew nothing about. And he fucking hated it. With a passion. And Hux was sure that this new person was going to make his perfect world into a living hell.

 


	2. If the Heat Comes Close Enough to Burn, We'll Play with Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving day comes and goes without a hitch. Well, there's actually quite a few. Punches are thrown, sex is had, and Poe decides that vengeance is needed. The first prank is pulled and now we await the fallout...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter has a bit of the prank action that's going to drive this story, but is really more focused on setting the tone for all the different relationships that are going to flourish within it. Also, in this story, Rey is Luke Skywalker's daughter. (Yes, I subscribe to the Rey is a Skywalker theory, I know I'm trash.) But have fun. The title of this chapter was taken from Partners In Crime by Set it Off (I know i love this band too much) and I think the song really compliments the last section of this chapter. Anyway, have fun and enjoy!

Soft guitar chords played from the speakers across the room as Rey laid across the couch, laces of her boots untied and hanging down. She had her arm lounging across her face to block out the light from the fluorescent bulbs above her head. She would always prefer natural light to this. She jumped a bit, looking over when something was dropped onto the table beside the arm of the couch, where her head had been resting before she was so rudely disturbed. Poe stood there, crossing his arms after wiping a bit of sweat from his forehead. 

 

“You could help, you know,” he said, after heaving a dramatic sigh. “We’ve been moving boxes for the past four hours. You just got home and immediately plopped down on the couch. You’re useless.” 

 

“No, I helped Ben move across the hall this morning while you were still asleep,” she replied, then laid back down, rubbing her hands over her face. “I’ve been at work all day anyway. And besides, I was just fine with our previous arrangement. You’re the one that fucked everything up and decided to move your new fuck buddy in here.” 

 

“Boyfriend,” Poe corrected her. 

 

“Right.” She opened her eyes again, blinking slowly. “He’s not going to be an annoying roommate is he?” 

 

“Oh, like anyone could be worse than Solo,” Poe said, lifting up the box again. “He tried to kill my BB-8 like four times. Besides, Finn is a sweetheart. You’ll learn to love him like I have.” He turned and carried the box into the hallway. 

 

“You’ve known him for a day!” Rey shouted, sitting up and watching as he disappeared around the corner. His soft chuckle was her only reply. She sighed, then picked up the remote and turned the music off. She glanced over to the door just as Phasma and Finn walked in. Phasma had her face blocked by the stack of boxes in her hand, but she was the only person that Rey knew who had to duck to get through the door. She set the boxes down, eyes meeting Rey’s as she straightened up. Rey blinked slowly for a moment before she stood up. 

 

“Hi,” Phasma said, brushing a few strands of her short, blonde hair out of her eyes. “I was just helping him drop some boxes off.” 

 

“Phasma is stronger than I am. She can accomplish in one trip what would take me at least two,” Finn said, nodding. “So thanks, Phas. I guess that was everything, wasn’t it?” 

 

“Yeah, you’re officially moved out.” She slapped him on the back, making him stumble forward a few steps before he straightened up again. 

 

Rey smiled slightly, her eyes dragging slowly down the body under the muscle shirt she was wearing. Her arms were large, muscled and Rey could just imagine...things. She shook her head and stepped forward to introduce herself properly. Then she remembered her untied shoelaces. She suddenly couldn’t help but to picture falling into Phasma’s arms, feeling them wrap around her tightly as she helped her to stay up. 

 

Stepping carefully, she managed to give the perfect illusion of a trip. Masking her face into one of fear, she reached out toward Phasma, who lurched forward to catch her. However, the arms that encircled her weren’t Phasma’s… She looked up at Finn, surprised as he pulled her up to her feet, arms still around her waist as he looked at her concerned. 

 

“Are you okay? Rey?” He frowned, brown eyes growing wider when she didn’t respond. She was already looking past him to Phasma who still had her arms extended, ready to catch her, surprise also on her face. “Rey? Seriously…” 

 

“I’m fine,” she replied, pulling away from him and straightened her shirt before sticking out her hand. “Hey, I’m Rey. Nice to finally meet you.” 

 

Phasma took her hand, nodding slightly. Then, she dropped her hand. “I’ve got to go to the gym. Gotta keep up in shape if I’m going to make it into the Marines.” She smiled slightly, then turned and left, ducking through the doorway again. 

 

When she looked back at Finn again, he was staring at the ground, a small pout on his face. She crossed her arms, confused at his expression. “What’s the matter with you?” 

 

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked, shuffling his foot on the carpet. “I didn’t...I didn’t mean to… I saw you fall and I was worried. I didn’t mean to…” 

 

“Oh, Finn…” Rey sighed, then smiled softly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Thank you for helping me.” He looked at her, eyes wide again. Still that kicked puppy look. Well, she could fix that. “How about I return the favor and help with some of these boxes?” She lifted the smallest one off the top, grunting a bit with the effort, then started carrying it to the bedroom. Finn picked up one of the others and followed her.

 

She set the box down on the bed, then walked over to Poe who was putting BB-8 back in his cage. She slid up beside him and whispered very softly into his ear, “You should take a few minutes to give Finn a proper welcome, don’t you think.” Rey slid her arm around Poe’s shoulder, giving him a smirk. They both then turned and looked at Finn, who was innocently taking clothes out of his boxes and putting them into his new closet. 

 

“You know,” Poe whispered back, arm sliding around her waist. “I think that’s a fabulous idea. In fact, it’s so good that I’m going to have to do it. You won’t mind giving us a bit of privacy, would you?” 

 

“Why of course not,” she said with a laugh. This caught Finn’s attention and he looked over at them. “Wouldn’t you say that this is a great time for Poe to give you a proper welcome?” Rey asked as she met Finn’s eyes. 

 

He blushed, suddenly dropping the shirt he was holding in his hand. “Oh, well I wouldn’t expect him to, or anything. He doesn’t have to try and…” He bent and retrieved the shirt then clenched it nervously in his hands, cheeks turning a shade darker. 

 

Poe laughed, then walked over, placing his hands on the back of Finn’s neck and pulling him in close. He whispered something that Rey did not catch, but she took that opportunity to slip out so they could have all the privacy they wanted. She crouched outside the door and tied her shoelaces with a sigh, then headed out of the apartment. Walking into the hallway, she paused when she heard a ruckus coming from behind the door of apartment 415.

 

“WHAT THE FUCKING HELL, REN!?” 

 

“PUT THAT DOWN, DAMMIT!!” 

 

She stopped, eyes going wide before she leaned back against her door, hands sliding into her pockets. She recognized the second voice as her cousin, Ben. She was sure that the first was the loud mouthed, angry ginger. His name was Archer. Arrow. Aaron Something with an A. Maybe. It wasn’t like she had ever paid him much attention to him until she had come home yesterday to find him standing in the middle of her apartment. However, any source of drama was always entertainment for her. She was what she would call mellow, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t stop to enjoy the screaming match behind the door.  

 

“You are NOT keeping THIS in our room. No fucking way, no fucking way!” 

 

“Yes I am. This is very precious to me. I would hope that you could understand that.” 

 

She sighed, rolling her eyes. There was absolutely nothing that this could be except for his stupid fucking Darth Vader helmet. He’d had it since he was twelve and she didn’t think there was a moment that he had been parted with it. Ben had always been a tad bit overly obsessed with the villain. It was just too bad that that wasn’t the weirdest thing about him. 

 

She listened to the back and forth argument for several more minutes before growing bored with it. She went around the corner and descended the stairs quickly, however, coming around the corner of the staircase, she collided with the person coming up. Looking up, her eyes widened again, as she stumbled back. The tall blonde took a step back as well, almost losing her footing and having to grab the railing to keep herself from tumbling down the stairs. They just stared at each other for a ridiculously long moment before Rey cracked a smile. 

 

“Hey, Phasma,” she said. “Didn’t mean to almost knock you down the stairs.” She tilted her head slightly, realizing with that even with Phasma standing two steps below her, the woman still managed to tower over her. “I thought you were going to the gym?” 

 

“Oh, I am,” the blonde replied, running a hand through her hair as she returned Rey’s disarmingly wide smile with a small, nervous one of her own. “I forgot my headphones, so I jogged back to get them. Can’t have a workout without them, ya know?” 

 

“I don’t really workout, so I wouldn’t know,” Rey replied letting her eyes drift from the woman’s face to her muscular arms. She bit her lip, inappropriate images flashing through her mind. 

 

“Oh, well you should come with me, sometime. I can bring a guest to my gym once a week so, I don’t see why I couldn’t let you come with me sometime.” 

 

“I would love to actually.” 

 

“Great!” Phasma blushed, looking away quickly. “I mean, cool. Next week sometime, maybe?” 

 

“Sounds good to me,” Rey said. She walked around Phasma, waving goodbye over her shoulder. “See you later!” The girl basically bounced down the rest of the steps, wide smile still plastered to her face. She just knew that she could have Phasma in bed with her within two weeks time. Honestly, Rey would never understand how Poe had always been the apartment slut. She got way more than he did, anyway. 

 

* * *

 

If there was one thing that Kylo Ren actually loved in the oppressive black hole of a world, it had to be his limited edition Darth Vader helmet that his grandfather had bought for him mere weeks before the man died. He’d held onto it, taken care of it, for the past ten years. He slept with it sitting beside his bed every night. He always loved to turn it towards Poe in the middle of the night so the man would wake up and freak out when he found it seemingly staring at him. 

 

There were few things in the world that could brighten Kylo’s dull existence. But the memories of Rey and him sitting down with their grandfather to watch the Star Wars movies, always put a smile on his face. It might be even brighter if Rey hadn’t been around to ruin them. But even still, those moments of happiness as a child had instilled in him a huge love of the Star Wars series and the villain of Episodes 4-6. Darth Vader. 

 

So, through his appreciation, over the years he had collected multiple pieces of merchandise besides just his lovely Darth Vader helmet. Including the four posters that he now had hanging on the wall, the three plushies sitting on his desk, the comforter on the bed, and the rug that he had on the floor in the middle of the room. He was just placing the helmet reverently on the bedside table (next to the lamp with Darth Vader helmets on the shade), when Hux walked in the room. He must be coming home from classes like he talked about this morning. 

 

Kylo straightened up, pushing some hair off his face. Hux had frozen, eyes flicking around the room, landing on each item as horror begin to spread across his face. Finally, he looked at him, eyes wide, and shook his head. He stuttered slightly, obviously wanting to speak but unable to formulate his thoughts into words. 

 

“Hey,” Kylo said. “I’m officially all moved in. This is going to be pretty great. I’ll keep all of my stuff on this side of the room, I promise. You won’t even have to think about it.” 

 

“Th-think about it?” Hux leaned against the door frame as if suddenly feeling light-headed and needing something to help him stay standing. “Won’t have to think about it? Do you see all of this? I can’t...I can’t live in a room full of this much...oh my god. You’re a fucking crazy person.” 

 

Kylo scoffed, then walked over to the desk, picking up one of his plushes and straightening his cape gently. He was trying not to be offended by that. He continued to absentmindedly fiddle with the plushie as Hux walked further into the room, looking down as he stepped on the rug. 

 

“I’m on one of those TV shows right? The prank ones? Where there’s hidden cameras and someone is going to run out from somewhere and try to surprise me.” Hux sighed, running a hand over his gelled hair. “Right, Ren? Right?” 

 

Kylo just stared at him before turning to set the plushie down again. “No, that’s ridiculous and you know it. Look, I just really like Darth Vader, okay? I don’t expect you to get it, but you could at least let me put up my merchandise. I did pay a lot of money for some of this stuff, after all.” He looked over at Hux again. “Besides, Darth Vader is cool. And this room was bland as hell before I got in here.” 

 

“It wasn’t bland, Ren,” Hux spit out, gritting his teeth together. “It was in order. Perfect order. This isn’t order, goddammit. I mean, look at that!” He motioned over to the helmet before lunging and picking it up, carelessly balancing it in one hand. “It’s a fucking helmet. Like an actual fucking helmet.” Hux stared at him, clearly waiting for a response, but Kylo was much too focused on the helmet which leaned precariously to the side. “Ren!? WHAT THE FUCKING HELL, REN?!” 

 

“PUT THAT DOWN, DAMMIT!!” Kylo suddenly shouted back, stepping forward and reaching out for it, knowing that he looked and sounded desperate. He didn’t care. He didn’t. He just needed his fucking helmet back safely on his bedside table. He noticed a slight tremor running through his hand before he whispered, “Please, Hux…?” 

 

“You are NOT keeping THIS in our room,” Hux said, tucking it under his arm and shaking his head. “No fucking way, no fucking way!” 

 

“Yes I am. This is very precious to me. I would hope that you could understand that.” Kylo was growing slowly more anxious. “Give it back!” 

 

“No.” Hux turned walking toward the door. “Actually, I’m going to go throw this into the garbage chute outside. Then, I’m coming back for the rest of this shit, okay?” 

 

Kylo lunged at him, grabbing him by the perfectly slicked back hair and giving a very harsh and surely painful tug. Hux fell back with a surprised shriek, and Kylo quickly wrestled the helmet out of his arms. He walked over and gently set it on the table again, sighing deeply. “You’re safe now,” he whispered to it. 

 

Suddenly, Kylo found himself being tackled onto the bed. Hux, his hair held perfectly by the gel and sticking straight up, begin to throw punches. The first landed on Kylo’s cheek, the rest landing painfully on his arms and chest. He reached up, grabbing his throat and beginning to squeeze. Hux grabbed him by the wrists, digging his nails in deep enough to make him hiss in pain. Finally, he let go and pushed him off, then sprung up to his feet, glaring at him warily. 

 

Hux straightened up, then attempted to smooth his hair back into place. His eyes never left Kylo who just continued to stand there, sure to place himself between the psychopath and the helmet. They stared at each other for a moment as the tension slowly began to ease from the room and Kylo finally let himself relax a bit. “I’m not going to let you throw my collectables away, okay? They’re mine.” 

 

“You’re not keeping them all,” Hux said. “You have to share this room with me and I don’t like it at all, okay? I want the room to be nice and pretty and not covered in fucking Darth Sidious memorabilia!” 

 

Kylo blinked, then shook his head, absolutely in shock. “Darth Sidious?” 

 

“Yeah, that creepy dude in the mask!” 

 

“This is Darth Vader, you asshole!!” He lunged forward again, taking a swing which Hux somehow managed to dodge. “Darth Sidious is a different person! He was the Emperor!” Kylo whirled around and grabbed the front of his shirt. “How can you be so ignorant!?” 

 

Hux kneed him in the stomach, then grabbed him by his hair. Kylo screeched at him as he was dragged out into the living room. He pulled back, screaming again as Hux yanked on his hair. Then, he was thrown to the ground as Hux jumped on him, throwing punches straight into his face as Kylo just struggled to stop himself from getting hit. 

 

Eventually Kylo managed to turn the tables, flipping them so Hux was now flat on his back and Kylo’s hands were closing around his throat once more. A rush of adrenaline coursed through him as he began to choke the blasphemous heathen. He absolutely ignored the punches and slaps landing all over his face and chest. 

 

Suddenly, he felt himself being lifted high into the hair. He gazed down at Hux with wide eyes and he was pulled off of him and found himself being tossed across the room as if he weighed twenty pounds.. He landed on the couch with a huff and sat up to see Phasma throwing a raging Hux over her shoulder. 

 

“PUT ME DOWN YOU DAMN AMAZON WOMAN! I CAN WIN THIS!” He looked very small all of a sudden, kicking his feet and screaming seemingly at the top of his lungs. Kylo thought of screaming back at him, some comment about how he definitely was not winning, but Phasma gave him a look that turned his blood to ice. He gulped and watched as she tossed him into her bedroom and shut the door. 

 

“You’ll stay in there and think about what you’ve done for a few minutes,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Besides, General, that’s not how you should be behaving if you ever expect to actually make it in the army.” Her tone had become joking. She stood by the door before an assenting mumble came from the other side. Then her attention turned to Kylo where he was still laying on the couch. “And you. What the hell was going on?” 

 

“He thought that Darth Vader was Darth Sidious!” he shouted, starting to stand up. “I can’t take people mixing those two up! They're not even remotely the same.” 

 

Phasma stared at him incredulously for a moment, her eyes narrowing. “Who...who is Darth Vader?” She frowned, crossing her arms. “Who is Darth Sidious?”

 

Kylo dropped back to the couch, hands tangling in his hair as he let his mouth hang open in shock. He was moving in with fools! Absolute fools! How could she not know who the greatest villain of all time was? How could she not know the man who made him into that? What the hell kind of rock had these two been living under?!

 

“Darth Vader is the villain of the original Star Wars movies. He is also the main character in the prequels, though he doesn’t have the title of Vader yet, obviously, and his birth name is Anakin Skywalker. You caught up yet?” Ren let his hand slide out of his hair, crossing his arms. 

 

“I guess, but I don’t see why it would matter that Hux got confused. Not matter enough for you to try and strangle him!” She sighed and ran a hand through her hair before leveling him with a stern look. “You can’t go around trying to choke your roommates to death. It isn’t nice.” 

 

“He tried to throw away my limited edition Darth Vader helmet! He threatened to throw it down a trash chute and I panicked. It’s very special to me…” 

 

Phasma nodded a bit, then looked over her shoulder at her bedroom door. “Okay, well I can see where that’s a little extreme on Hux’s part. But he doesn’t really care for any sort of extravagant decoration. So if you had it out somewhere, I know he wouldn’t like it there. If you could just keep it and any other Darth Vader related items in your closet, then it’ll be fine.” 

 

“All of my Vader stuff? It’s all got to go in the closet?” Ren thought for a moment, frown deepening. “That’s a lot of stuff. I don’t know if it’ll all fit…” 

 

She looked back at him, raising her eyebrows. “How…how much of it do you have…?” Kylo quickly stood up and led her back to the bedroom, letting her duck into the room. Her eyes widened as she looked around, then down at him. “What the fuck, Ren?” 

 

“This is completely normal!” He grabbed at his hair again, grumbling loudly. Taking a deep breath, he looked at her, trying to remain calm. “I just want to keep all of my stuff. I think I have a right to do that if I’m paying rent here. Which I definitely plan to do. So you should let me keep it all out.” 

 

Phasma stared at him then quickly ran her hands down her face, letting out a loud sigh. “Okay, but you don’t understand. It’s not up to me. Hux is never going to be okay with you keeping all of that out. It ruins his...aesthetic. I mean, I think it’s weird but...I don’t really care.” She quickly pushed past him out of the room. “I’m sure you were able to get away with this when you lived with Dameron and...and Rey but, it’s not going to fly here.” 

 

“Can’t you talk to him? I mean, you’re friends, right? So that means you can make him see the error of his ways.” 

 

“Hux is never going to think there is any error to his ways because he thinks he perfect. God’s gift to humanity. All that good shit. And nothing I say is going to change the fact that he is not going to be okay with you keeping all that Darth Vader stuff in his room. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to find a new home for it.” 

 

“Yeah, like the trash compactor!” Hux yelled from the other side of the door. Kylo stepped toward the door, angrily but Phasma grabbed his shoulder and shook her head. “Phasma, let me out of here now and I’ll talk like a rational human being. I can’t say anything for the barbarian moving in with us, but I’d be happy to talk about this like an adult.” 

 

“Be quiet, Hux. You’ll get your turn in a second,” Phasma said. She sighed deeply then pushed kylo back over to the couch easily. “Okay, what about a compromise of sorts? You can keep one or two items, but put the rest in storage. Somewhere it’ll be safe but far away from Hux.” 

 

Kylo frowned for a moment, crossing his arms. He looked down at his feet, thinking. He could do that, but he didn’t want to give Hux the satisfaction of watching him having to haul everything away. And besides that, how could he choose just two things to keep. He loved it all equally. But he didn’t really see another option. If Phasma could get Hux to agree to this, then maybe he could slowly incorporate things back into the apartment slowly, without the fucker noticing. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it was a better one than watching all his treasures be thrown away. 

 

“Alright, Phasma,” Kylo said, looking up at her. “If he agrees, I get to keep my Darth Vader helmet and both the posters on the wall. And then we’ll have a deal.” He nodded, a grim satisfaction settling over him. “You’ve just got to get Mr. Stick-Up-His-Ass to agree.” 

 

She rolled her eyes at him, then nodded and walked to her bedroom. Kylo watched her as she disappeared inside. He heard the murmur of voices behind the door but didn’t really bother to try and make out what they were saying. He put his feet up on the coffee table and leaned back with a huff. He was already starting to regret moving in here if the anal pretentiousness continued like this. What was so wrong about a few pieces of Darth Vader merch anyway? Was ‘’aesthetic” really that important? The room had been boring as hell before Kylo got in there. 

 

The door to Phasma’s room stood open and Hux marched out. He could have looked almost military worthy if it wasn’t for the shock of ginger hair that stood straight up atop his head. Kylo looked at him lazily, raising an eyebrow and waiting for him to speak. The other glared at him for a moment before stepping aside to allow Phasma to actually address him. 

 

“Hux has agreed to your terms,” she said, glancing over at him before settling her cool eyes on Ren. “For now. But he does ask that a slight rearrangement be made to put the table on the other side of the bed in order to ‘block his view of that unsightly thing’ so he won’t have to think about it constantly.” She rolled her eyes, on her face the same exasperation that he felt. “He will also not be speaking to you for the remainder of the day.” 

 

“It’s childish, but I’ll bite.” He lowered his feet to the ground then stood up and walked around the couch. He held his hand out to Hux for him to shake. “We have a deal.” Hux glared at him, then looked pointedly at Phasma. She sighed deeply and held her own hand out to Kylo. He turned and shook her hand with a sigh of his own. “Okay, whatever. I’ll go clear the rest of it out and take it to my parent’s house this weekend, okay?” He turned back to Hux again. 

 

Hux looked at Phasma again, who glared at him before replying, “Yeah, he’ll agree to that. But, I’m done being the go between, so. See ya.” She rolled her eyes again before grabbing a pair of headphones off the coffee table and leaving the apartment again. Ren watched her go, then looked at Hux again, who was looking at him as if he’d murdered his mother right in front of him. 

 

“Is this going to become a regular occurrence?” He smirked, amused as the other turned and stalked from the room toward the kitchen. “I’ll take that as a probably.” He walked back into the room and grabbed one of his boxes. With a heavy sigh, he set to packing up his treasures. Yes, Kylo Ren’s life truly was a black hole of an existence. 

 

* * *

 

Poe lied across the bed, smirking up at the ceiling as Finn curled up beside him, out of breath and shivering a bit. His dark eyes flicked over to the other man who had a giddy sort of smile on his face, that made Poe bite his lip and fall in love with him all the more. 

 

“That was...amazing,” Finn said, eyes brightening when they connected with Poe’s. “I mean...I’ve never done....anything like that before so…” He shook his head, then looked downwards shyly. “I don’t know, I guess I want to know if I was...any good?” 

 

Poe let out a bark of laughter and sat up, making the other man frown unhappily. “Of course you were,” he said. He turned so that he was leaning over the other and kissed him gently. Of course, there was always room for improvement, but it was his first time. “Come on, let’s go raid the kitchen before Rey gets home and steals all the booze.” He hopped out of bed and grabbed his underwear and slipped them on. 

 

Finn followed in pursuit, cheeks darkening slightly. Poe led him out of the bedroom and through the apartment to the kitchen. He climbed up on the counter and reached to the top shelf and pulled down an unopened bottle of tequila. Hey, special occasions right?

 

“Why would Rey steal all the alcohol?” Finn asked, watching him with mild curiosity lighting up his dark eyes. Poe handed him the bottle and crawled over to the other side of the counter to dig through the other cabinet to find their many, many shot glasses. It was amazing, they had at least twenty but they all managed to disappear as soon as he needed one. 

 

“Because she’s awful. And uh…” He smiled sheepishly at him before returning to digging through the cabinet. “She kinda bought all the alcohol we have right now, so it’s technically not stealing. It’s hers to drink. Besides, knowing her, she’ll bring home some girl and want to drink with her in private in her room. So we’ve got to get wasted before she gets here.” 

 

“Why do we have to get wasted?” 

 

He laughed again, then finally pulled out two of the shot glasses from the very back of the cabinet and dropped down onto the floor again with a thud. “Because we’re celebrating!” He set them down on the counter and slung an arm around the other’s shoulders. “You’re officially moved in and away from those assholes across the hall. So let’s get drunk and and maybe make-out a little. It’ll be fun, and more importantly, good for you.” 

 

“I don’t see how ruining my liver will ever be ‘good for me’ but okay.” Finn looked down at the bottle and made a face. “I don’t really drink hard liquor...mostly just beer. Uh, how badly fucked up am I going to get?” 

 

Poe laughed again and kissed his cheek. “Hopefully a lot, that’s kinda the point.” He picked up the glasses and motioned for him to follow. He walked to the main room and dropped down on the couch, smirking widely. He held out his hand and Finn handed over the tequila, almost like he was happy to have the stuff out of his hand. He opened up the bottle, winking at the other who lowered himself down onto the couch slowly. 

 

After both shot glasses has been filled, he held one up to Finn who took it uncertainly. He just stared at it for a moment and Poe let a frown sour his face for a moment. “Finn, you know I’d never make you do something you didn’t want to do right? If you don’t want to drink, don’t drink.” 

 

“No, it’s fine!” Finn said. He nodded at him, then looked down at the drink in his hand. Before Poe could stop him, he pressed it to his lips and tilted his head back and gulped it down. An awful expression twisted his feature as he set the glass down. “Why do people enjoy this? Urg…” 

 

“Finn, you don’t have to drink it if you don’t want,” Poe chuckled and reached over, wrapping his arm around the other’s shoulders. “You don’t have to impress me or try to convince your not ‘boring.’ I think we’ve covered that, right? I just like hanging out with you.” He set down his own shot and leaned in, kissing him gently. 

 

“I know that,” he said, dark eyes resting on the other for a moment before he looked down. “You’re just very different from me. I was raised a military brat. Drinking, going out, having sex with men I barely know...that’s not my life, it’s yours.” He let out a sigh. “I don’t want you to get tired of me, I guess.”

 

“Oh, Finn…” Poe quickly slid up into Finn’s lap and pressed his hands against the other’s chest. “I promise that I’m never going to be tired of you. I already said that I really like you, right? So don’t worry so much.” He frowned a bit, looking down into the other’s eyes. “Who has you thinking things like that, man?” 

 

“Hux,” he said, automatically. He winced at that, then shook his head. “I just mean that he always insisted that I wasn’t really good enough for...someone like you. He always said that him and Phas would always be my only friends.” 

 

“Well, that’s horrible.” Poe was absolutely disgusted at that. He planted a gentle kiss to the other’s cheek. “Well, I promise that he was fucking wrong. You’re great. And I’m going to be your friend. And so will Rey. And BB.” He turned slightly, reaching around and grabbing his shot off the table. He knocked it back quickly, then kissed Finn again. He enjoyed the way Finn’s cheeks darkened at this. “This...this right here? It’s going to be the best thing to ever happen. I promise.” 

 

“I believe in you,” Finn said, smiling at him slightly. And Poe quickly gave in to the temptation to kiss those perfect lips again.

 

The front door swung open and Rey walked in. She kicked it closed then gave them a wry smirk. “Well, well, well, I hope I’m not interrupting something. By walking into my apartment. I wouldn’t want to be intruding on any private moments.” Her sarcasm was as grating as always. She picked up the bottle of tequila and took a drink right out of the bottle. Finn blanched at this, making Poe laugh at him and kiss his cheek again. 

 

“I hope you don’t mind we borrowed some tequila,” Poe offered, sliding off Finn’s lap and onto the couch beside him. “But we needed to celebrate! Because Finn is officially moved in and he’s gonna be out new best friend!” 

 

She waved a hand dismissively and dropped down beside him on the couch, taking another drink. “Forget it, Dameron, I’ve drank more than enough of _your_  booze, so I think it’s high time I returned the favor.” She leaned forward and filled the shot glasses up again then set the bottle down. 

 

Poe winked at her and reached over, grabbing them. He held one out to Finn with an inviting smile. “Come on, buddy. It’s okay. Let loose a little bit, alright?” The man gave him a small smile and hesitantly took the shot. Poe downed his while Finn took a bit more conservative approach and began to sip on it slowly. 

 

Rey gave him a curious look, raising an eyebrow. “You don’t drink much do you, Finny boy?” 

 

He sputtered a bit and looked over with that doe-eyed, innocent stare that made Poe weak at the knees. “Finny boy?” He laughed, then rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, no. No I don’t. I was just telling Poe that. I’ve never really had the opportunity nor the...desire.” 

 

“Hmm, never had a nickname either, have you?” 

 

He blushed at this and shook his head slightly. “No, I can’t say that I have, Rey.” 

 

Poe made a small noise of annoyance and leaned his head back to rest on Rey’s shoulder. She looked at him with a bemused expression. “So, Finn here was telling me all about how those two assholes across the hall used to bully him.” 

 

“I wouldn’t say bully!”

 

“Hush, I’m conspiring.” Poe held up a finger towards him, then smirked at Rey. “I was just wondering...you wanna awaken the beasts and dish out some Dameron-Skywalker vigilante justice on their asses?” 

 

“You mean a revenge prank?” She chuckled and brushed his head off her shoulder and reached for the tequila again. “We haven’t done one since high school....” She took a small sip, staring at the coffee table thoughtfully. “We’d have to hit him good, hard. It would need to be personal, so he would know where it was coming from. Which means,” she said glancing at Finn, “we’re going to need intel.” 

 

Poe turned to look at Finn who was watching them with wide eyes. He shook his head slightly and held out his hands. “Hey now, look. You don’t want to get down and dirty with Hux. It won’t end well for anyone. The guy’s smart. And he’s got Phasma on his side and she can crush us all like bugs.” 

 

“Alright listen,” Rey said, leaning around Poe to get closer to Finn. “You can’t keep taking that kind of treatment lying down! One day, you’re going to have stand up for yourself. Why not make that today? You got two brilliant minds for vengeance at your disposal, all the liquid courage you’d ever need, and a brain with the information we need to strike the enemy where he’ll feel it most. So what are you? A man or a mouse?” She grinned at him, and Poe couldn’t help but to copy her expression. 

 

Finn stared at them, chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully for a while. Then, he sighed and reached over, grabbing the bottle out of her hand. He took a drink, then slammed it down onto the coffee table. “Okay, so Hux likes order above anything else. The man can’t deal with anything being out of it’s proper place. You wanna fuck with him, fuck with his organization system. You move _one_  thing in his apartment, and he’ll go ballistic.” 

 

Poe’s grin only grew and he glanced at Rey. “So...if moving one thing can give us that reaction, I wonder what moving _everything_  would do?” 

 

 

Getting into the apartment was the easy part. They strolled right in like they owned the place. Idiots didn’t even bother locking their door. Poe couldn’t help the devilish grin that took over his features when they slid into the dark apartment. It was silent, too silent. They would have to move fast. He motioned for the other two to get inside as quickly as possible, then quietly shut the door behind them. 

 

Darkness enveloped them for a moment before Poe began digging in his pocket. He fumbled with his phone for a moment before finally getting the flashlight turned on, illuminating the apartment. Finn had provided them with a rough sketch of the layout of the apartment and Poe had overlaid it with his own renovation plan. The other two set to work, quickly moving the furniture about as silently as possible. 

 

They couldn’t help the small fits of giggles that they fell into a few times as they worked, but Poe quickly silenced them as best as he could. Laughter wouldn’t do right now. This was business. They could celebrate in their success later. Once his lackies were finished, he walked to the center of the room and laid the note they had carefully written out in the center of the room. Yes, this mission was quite a suc-

 

He didn’t finish the thought as the light suddenly flicked on above him. Finn and Rey were suddenly pressed against his back as if he could shield them from the horror of being found out. Poe flicked off the light on his phone, blinking in the fluorescent lighting and then turned to face...Phasma. She blinked at him, then rubbed a hand over her face. 

“Dameron, it’s four in the fucking morning. What the actual hell are you three doing?” 

 

“Nothing, this has all been a dream,” he said, slipping his phone back in his pocket. He held his hands up and wiggled his fingers at her. “Go back to sleep, all will be normal in the morning.” 

 

“Normal? You wrecked the fucking apartment…” She motioned around her to the careful chaos he had planned. “Do you know what Hux is going to do to you when he finds out about this?” 

 

Rey suddenly stepped around him and walked toward the taller woman. He recognized that predatory step and quickly rolled his eyes. He wanted to pull the drunk girl back. What did she think flirting with the woman was going to do for any of them. It’d probably just make her mad, like poking the bear or something. 

 

“Phasma,” she whispered, and motioned for the other to bend down. The blonde complied and Rey quickly cupped her hand hands around her ear and whispered something. Her words were slurred and loud, but Poe couldn’t quite make out what she said. 

 

The taller woman straightened up and nodded. “Fine. Go back to your apartment. I never saw anything.” She turned and flicked off the lights, shrouding the room in safe, warm darkness again.

 

Poe suddenly felt two different, but both ridiculously tight, grips on his wrists and he was suddenly pulled from the apartment and out into the hallway. Light spilled from their own apartment and he breathed a sigh of relief as soon as he saw it. He turned and closed the door to apartment 415 and the trio entered their own apartment. And then the celebration started. 

 

Laughter and cheers came from all three of them as they slammed the door shut and joined together in a group hug. Crushing the smaller Rey between them, Finn and Poe kissed each other. Rey broke away and jumped up onto the couch, shouting a “yippee!!” at the top of her lungs as she bounced from cushion to cushion. Finn ran over to her and she fell into his arms. He turned and sat on the couch with her in his lap and Poe quickly took the place beside him, sitting on top of Rey’s legs. He laid his head on the man’s shoulder and kissed his neck lightly. 

 

They fell into a fit of giggles and congratulations. Rey eventually weaseled her legs out from under him, but then just stayed laying across both of their laps. Poe continued to pepper Finn with affection and watched his cheeks darken considerably. However, soon the adrenaline wore off and they all three passed out like that, still reveling in their triumph over the evil Hux and his band of...slightly less evil but still quite annoying lackeys. 


End file.
